I did it again. FML.
It's just so hard for me to control myself sometimes.

I've been feeling very cranky these past few days/weeks/months. Especially towards him and I don't know why. Is it because we are too used to each other already? Is it FINALLY taking a toll on us? I don't know.

I was already building up so much angst in me, so when he finally blowed on me, I thought this is it. This is the best time to just get over it and done with. I took the easier way out. Breaking up. I can't even be bothered to answer his questions when he tried talking to me. I just don't care. But after he left, when we board the cab, tears just starts to stream down my face. I tried so hard not to cry but it was too heavy, I just need to let it go. I was probably too angry, I started to send him break up msgs. And he didn't reply to any except for one. I don't blame him because I know this has happened way too many times. He's probably immuned to it. But this was the worst case I guess. I even told him to take back the necklace that I'm wearing now. I just couldn't take it any longer.

Whatever I said was never from my heart. That was my feelings talking. I don't want you to not contact me. I never want you to leave me. I still need you.

I know the damage is done. I will accept anything that comes in later. It's probably my fault this thing happened. As for now, I think it's best we both take a day or 2 to just be alone. It's for the best. We are almost choking each other to death!

Whatever happens next, I don't know. But what I know is everything happens for a reason. And what I truly know is that I still love him so fucking much and I still need him in my life. I can't live without him. :'((

And like what Aishah said, why let go of something that I've hold on for so long??

Baby, come back. I miss you. I miss being happy with you.