I'm gonna be writing a long wordy post. Get ready. Bored? You know what to do.

So 2010 is gonna leave us pretty soon. How time flies huh? It feels like just a few weeks ago I celebrated my New Year with my awesome friends at The Central. Now it's time for another New Year celebration!

2010 has been full of ups and the downs. That's a normal thing in life. One minute you feel so happy and loved, the next minute you down in the dumps. I've created stronger bonds with my ex colleagues which are now my good friends. Thank God for them. I was 'single' 3/4 of the year so I've learnt how to be independant and how to rely on me,myself and I. Even though sometimes friends are still around to give you a helping hand. Friends quarell but we kiss and make up. Like couples gitu! I've experience new things in life. Like working in a club, getting to know new fun/irritating/weird people. To be honest, I really thank God for giving the time to get to know myself, like how strong I can be. Because before all that, I've always relied on him for everything. It's like my world revolve around him and only him. So when he was no longer there to provide me with all the support that I needed, I was forced to create a world of my own. And I did. And yeah, I did have fun throughout. So now I know if ever a time where I have to go through that again, I know I will survive on my own.

But the shitty thing is, after he's back, I became the girl that I used to be! Which I honestly am very dissapointed. With myself! I was getting used to that carefree life and suddenly BAM! I'm back to where I started. That is why I've made a new resolution for myself for 2011. I shall talk about that later. But anyways, of course without a doubt, I'm happier with him around. Even though sometimes or shall I say most of the time we fight. Even about the slightest thing. Sometimes I do wish he could understand my feelings better. Even after 3 years, he doesn't know what makes me tick and what makes me happy? I think he does but he still doesn't fully understand about it. But it's ok. Atleast he's better then other guys, which I am very thankful for.

Anyway, being a VERY CARING GF, it is VERY tiring. Seriously. It's like you care too much for that person and you put so much expectations in him but in the end, he didn't meet to your expectations and all you get is a BIG DISSAPOINTMENT. And the feeling sucks to the maximum.

Like you wished he spents more time with you but he spents more time on his friends instead.
You wished he will tell you everything but he don't because all you end up doing is nag. Which he obviously hate.
It's not nag. It's an advice which you mistook it for nagging. Most of the time.
So my NEW YEAR resolution shall be...........................................................
Speak when nessasary and care only when needed. Which I have a big problem with that. Because I just love to shoot my mouth at him whenever I find something that I'm unhappy about. And that makes us fight. And I care too much like I wanna know EVERYTHING. He feels suffocated.

I should turn like Furr. Starts to care lesser and lesser. Its a good thing! Because when you care lesser, your expectations drop. And when it drops, you won't get a big dissapointment when things don't go your way. So when shit happens, it still does hurt you but not as bad!! It's like ' damn! why the fuck he did that!! ..................... oh well... whatever. '.
I WANT THAT WAY!!!!! I hate being dissapointed. Seriously. If only he know how hurtful it is sometimes...

Bad habits die hard so I'm telling myself to start training by now...

I still love him. Definitely. But sometimes it gets too overwhelming, I just feel like running away from him and just let him be. And let him live his life the way he wants.

The day I stopped fighting, is the day my heart has closed for you. But I hope it won't happen.
I still wanna build a future with you....

If only you knew...