Let's sum up my 2010 yeah?

• Celebrated New Year with my own friends for the first time and it was incredibly AWESOME! Even went swimming with just shorts and no undies at The Central Clarke Quay early morning. No worries, all girls!
• Had a few overnight stay at Hotel 88 at Geylang with my girlfriends. That was awesome too!
• Got to know 2 butch who liked me. And they even had a tiff for months because of yours truly.
• Went on a short holiday with Love to KL for the first time ever. And my first time travelling alone with my own boyfriend to overseas!
• Went for my first car prac and ONLY prac. -__-
• Got my first full-time job as a Recep/Admin.
• Got him back after 14 crucial months of waiting.
• Celebrated my 22nd birthday at Downtown East chalet. Done by Love and my friends. First time!
• Fall out with one of my bestest girls. But things are back to normal. And another fall out with my new bestest girls too. But things fall back into place after a few months.
• Frequent JB trips.
• Worked in a Nightclub for the first time. Atleast now I know how it feels like to be working in a dark and NOISY place.

I think that sums everything. Well most. I hope 2011 will be better! Car liciense in my hands finally? Insyallah. Have a great NEW YEAR and I wish the only best to all my love ones. May 2011 be better for all of us. :)

The bitch in me is back. Or it never did left?

I've been googling alot about this. And it helps that there are girls out there who is feeling the same way as me. What feeling you may asked?

I feel angry all the time with my boyfriend.

Whatever he said or do, i will definitely get angry. Especially if it involves people that I don't like, random girls who I've never met before, him treating me unfairly. I HAVE SO MANY THINGS THAT I'M UNHAPPY ABOUT WITH HIM.
It's our routine now to fight EVERY SINGLE DAY. I can't even remember when was the last time we had a peaceful day. I don't know if it's just ME or HIM??? HELP??

I am sure there is something wrong somewhere. Am I too insecure? Too demanding? Too possesive? Too jealous?? Is this a way for me to push him away because I'm too scared to get hurt? What the fuck is the problem??

It's not like he's cheating on me. (He's not right?!) It's not like he don't spent enough time with me right? (IT MIGHT BE) I always have this thinking that he's gonna find someone else better, prettier or smarter then me. And FUCK FACEBOOK. It has created a whole lot of problems between us. Be it status, pictures, comments, adding someone new etc. I honestly feels like our relationship won't be this bad if it wasn't for FB.

I honestly don't know what else to do. It's driving me mad. Is there a pill to help me control my feelings? I need to control my temper and anger. It's getting out of hand for fuck sake! I want to cry. :(

I love him. I know I still do. But why are we fighting everyday? I know it's always me who starts everything. If I love him, why am I always angry at him? Why is there ALWAYS something that he does or say that will make me angry? I'm so fucking confused. What is happening to me?

One more day till 2011. I want to be someone better. I want to stop being this way. I need to learn to be patient and more understanding. For 2011, I just hope to live a happy life with those people whom I love. My family, him and my friends.

Amin.

OMG. I've been hearing my girlfriends getting played by their boyfriends behind their back these past few days. And it really pisses me off!!

If there's one thing that I cannot tolerate,EVER. Is my boyfriend contacting other girls behind my back. I FUCKING CAN'T AND WON'T TOLERATE THIS KINDA SHIT I TELL YOU. I will definitely, without even giving a second thought, will break up with him. No doubt about that. Because I truly believe, once he cheats on you, he will continue cheating throughout the relationship. So to save my ass before it's too late, I rather walk away now then later. Get hurt now then hurt even deeper later. Seriously.

Once a womaniser, will be a womaniser till he's old and bald with bulging tummy. Men can cheat even at the age of 60. Trust me.

Yes, it's definitely easier said then done. You fucking love this guy and you just can't bear to leave him. But think,if he really loves you,he won't do this to you. He'll make sure everyone knows that he is simply inlove with you and he wants to be with you and ONLY YOU.
To me, the first few steps is always the hardest. Yes I know it's fucking hard to let go someone you once love so much. But after awhile, it will get easier. Take one step at a time. :)

All girls deserve a guy who truly loves her and only HER.

A quick update.

I wasn't alone on Christmas afterall. ;)
A much needed break is all I need. And I got it.
Definitely some distractions to keep my mind off things for awhile.

You had your fun, I definitely had mine too. ;)

I guess I'll be alone on Christmas Day.

Just like last year.

Sigh.

Can't help to wonder.. When guys did some mistakes, even major ones, girls only sulk for a few hours before forgiving them. And the worst part sometimes, they like to turn the tables around.
But when girls did some mistakes, it took them a day or a few days to actually forgive and move on. Where's the fairness?? Everyone make mistakes! Why can't they just get over it and move on like we girls??

I feel unfair sometimes when he does this to me. He has done a lot of mistakes towards me for the past 3 years but most of the time, I'll just sulk for a few hours before talking to him again. But usually, even if he's the one at wrong, I have to be the one to look for him and beg him to forgive(forgive for what fuck I did also I don't know) me.

And the recent one was the one he did that took 14 months of his life AND MINE. I can choose to not talk or send him any letters or even visit him throught that period of time because I was so super dissapointed in him. But you know what? Without even thinking, I choose to forgive and move on. Infact I choose to wait somemore. For 14 months, I could have met someone new. But I didn't because I still wanted to be with you.

But why can't he do the same FOR ME? Why can't he forgive me when I did a mistake? Why do I have to go through being given the cold shoulders for days?? While I can forgive him EVERY SINGLE TIME WHEN HE DID THE SAME OLD MISTAKE OVER AND OVER AGAIN? WHY??????

Yes I know I said somethings that I shouldn't have. LIKE YOU NEVER DID?! But I said sorry after that didn't I? I know that I've made a mistake but I pushed all my ego aside to SAY SORRY. Because I TREASURE THIS RELATIONSHIP MORE THEN MY EGO.

But I guess to him, the mistakes I did was deadly and I deserve to be given the cold shoulders. For days, weeks. I don't know. And I probably don't deserve to be given another chance for this. Because I keep doing the same mistakes over and over again. And he had enough.
U'huh. Like I never had enough with him lying to me about the same old things only to find it out on my own.

WhatI'm trying to say is, JUST FORGIVE AND FORGET. That's what makes the relationship last long. Compromise! People make mistakes.

Oh well. I've already said my piece. I just hope I can get through this. I know I can. Just pretend that he's not here. Maybe things will get easier. And maybe just maybe, I can move on with my life.

I did it again. FML.
It's just so hard for me to control myself sometimes.

I've been feeling very cranky these past few days/weeks/months. Especially towards him and I don't know why. Is it because we are too used to each other already? Is it FINALLY taking a toll on us? I don't know.

I was already building up so much angst in me, so when he finally blowed on me, I thought this is it. This is the best time to just get over it and done with. I took the easier way out. Breaking up. I can't even be bothered to answer his questions when he tried talking to me. I just don't care. But after he left, when we board the cab, tears just starts to stream down my face. I tried so hard not to cry but it was too heavy, I just need to let it go. I was probably too angry, I started to send him break up msgs. And he didn't reply to any except for one. I don't blame him because I know this has happened way too many times. He's probably immuned to it. But this was the worst case I guess. I even told him to take back the necklace that I'm wearing now. I just couldn't take it any longer.

Whatever I said was never from my heart. That was my feelings talking. I don't want you to not contact me. I never want you to leave me. I still need you.

I know the damage is done. I will accept anything that comes in later. It's probably my fault this thing happened. As for now, I think it's best we both take a day or 2 to just be alone. It's for the best. We are almost choking each other to death!

Whatever happens next, I don't know. But what I know is everything happens for a reason. And what I truly know is that I still love him so fucking much and I still need him in my life. I can't live without him. :'((

And like what Aishah said, why let go of something that I've hold on for so long??

Baby, come back. I miss you. I miss being happy with you.