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My shortest relationship was a month.
I've had a few short-term boyfriends.
I've been given flowers.
I've been given chocolates.
I've been given shoes/clothes.
I've been given jewelry.
I've been kissed in the rain.
I've been kissed under the stars.
I've been kissed on a roller coaster.
I've been kissed in a pool.
I've been kissed underwater.
I've been kissed while I was driving.
I've been kissed while I was asleep.
I've been kissed in a bus.
I've been kissed while laying in the grass.
I've been on a date.
I've been on a group date.
I've taken a nap with a guy.
I've made out in a closet.
I've made out with just a friend.
I've made out with a member of the same sex.
I've played some sort of kissing game.
I've been asked out in person.
I've been asked out online.
I've been asked out over the phone.
I've been asked out on Valentine's Day.
A guy has cooked for me.
A guy has written me a poem.
A guy has sang for me.
A guy has played guitar for me.
I've cuddled with a guy whom I wasn't dating.
I've been kissed on the lips.
I've been kissed on the neck.
I've been kissed on the stomach.
I've been kissed on the nose.
I've been kissed on the top of the head.
I've been kissed on the hand.
I've been kissed on the feet.
I've received a hickey.
I've given a hickey.
I've been in love.
I've been in lust.
I've confessed to a crush.
A crush has confessed to me.
I've been in a love triangle.
I've been on a date to the movies.
I've been on a date to a restaurant.
I've been on a date to an arcade.
I've had a crush on a member of the same sex before and I'm straight.
I've been felt up in public.
I've had feelings for somebody else when I was already taken.
I've had feelings for a friend's boyfriend.
A friend has dated my ex.
I've dated a friend's ex.
I'm still friends with an ex.
A guy has talked dirty to me before.
I have a boyfriend right now.
I celebrate anniversaries.
I've never been given a promise ring.
A guy has promised me forever.
If I have a boyfriend, I give him nicknames.
I've fallen for my best friend.
A guy has given me a foot massage.
A guy has rubbed my shoulders.
I like holding hands in public.
A guy has tried to take me away from my boyfriend.
A guy has fed me. Literally.
I've cooked/baked for a guy.
I've stayed up late talking to a guy I had feelings for.
I haven't had a sleepover with the opposite sex.
I've led a guy on.
I've knowingly teased a guy.
I've been in the same class as a boyfriend.

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I did the things in RED. :)
I've never been in a long distance relationship.

-

For now, I'll be updating my Tumblr instead.

hatethat-iloveyou.tumblr.com

:)

You know what? I think I might be changing to Livejournal back.
I knowwwww. So damn gatal right..

But yeah. Livejournal is much more 'exclusive'? I don't know. The feeling is not the same lah writing at blogspot. I know crazyyyyyyy right.

Whatever. I shall post my new URL soon. If I want to. :)

Surprise!

Dear diary,

Yesterday was one of the sweetest moment i had with my love. I was surprised by two surprises! What's more, there was no occasion at all! Happy happy girl, me!

He tricked me that we are going to have dinner at Pariss International at Marina Square. The place that i brought him when he came back from his Taiwan trip. I thought to myself, 'Yaayy! Seafooood!'. We both love seafood. Upon reaching, as it wasn't the time yet to have dinner, we went around, looking for his jeans and tops. After his mini shopping, he asked am I ready to eat. I said yes! Was on the way walking to the place, he actually turned to the opposite way. I'm like, but the place is that way! He said nah.. We're going back to where we parked the bike. And i was like huh?? While going down the escalator, I was kinda disappointed. Was looking forward to some seafood. On the way to our bike, we walked passed the entry to Pan Pacific Hotel. And he said 'Let's eat here' and i was like huuuuuuhhhhh?? Macam2 alasan die kasi. Nak g toilet lah, nak beli prata lah.. And to my big surprise, he actually brought me to Global Kitchen!!!! The place that I wanted to bring him. AWWW SOO SWEET RIGHTTT!!! Ikotkan hati, I wanted to screaaam! Hahaha. That was not it.

Halfway eating, he said be right back. He wanted to go to the toilet. Lambat jugak die pergi. He came back, out of breathe! He was panting like as if he ran all the way back. Then he started commenting about my colourful bracelet. How mismatched it is with my dressing. And suddenlyyy, he took out a Guess box and inside was a Guess bracelet!!!!! Omg. My baby damn sweet lah! I was of course, surprised!!!!! Hehe happy me! Actually the toilet trip was a trip to his bike cos he put my surprise gift there. Hahah.

Thank you my baby for making me very happy yesterday. Appreciate everything that you've done. You make me fall inlove with you all over again. Two surprises in a day! Susah datang tau.. I know you love me with all your heart and soul. Me too love. Never love someone this much and this deep before. And surprising me when there's no occasion at all. Super sweet. 10 points for you love!!

I'm so lucky to have you. There's no one like you Md Faizrul. No one.

I fucking love you, my sweetest love!

Don't drag my boyfriend to parties just because you don't have any company to go with.
Don't you have your own group of friends before he and his friends came into the picture?

I have issues. Major issues. And it's badly affecting my relationship with him.
I don't know what I want in life and in this relationship. I might be feeling all loved one minute and angsty the next. I AM SUCH AN ANGSTY GIRL.

I don't wanna drive him away with my constant need to argue. I've tried to stop but it's impossible! I can't calm myself down. I need help. What the fuck is actually bothering me?? I love him so much but at the same time, I feel like letting him go because I can't stand seeing him angry at me all the time, everyday. I'm losing hope.............. :'(

But I know things will get better eventually. It always does.

We fight like there's no tomorrow but in the end,
we still holds hands despite every single flaws.

Reading all those newly couples comments to each other makes me miss those early times when both of us just got to know each other.

Oh how I miss feeling all sugar rushy and mentalish every single time I talk,meet or think of him. When love is still fresh, everything seems sooo wonderful is'nt it? It's the honeymoon period they call it. But definitely it won't be happily ever after 24/7. And when those flaws and imperfections starts to rear it's heads up, those are the crucial times. Because that's when the real test begins. So enjoy while you can newly couples! ;)

Now what about us? The 3.5 years couple. We are definitely over the honeymoon period. PERIOD. Haha. Fights every now and then. Well that's absolutely normal. I mean c'mon. Who the fuck don't quarell? But it's not about the quarells. It's about the aftermath of quarelling. Sometimes even small arguements can break a relationship. What more the big ones? It's just how we handle it. And of course, without a doubt, I've lost the battle quite a few times. But he was the one who pulls me back up. If he doesn't do that, most probably we're over a long time ago. Sometimes the mood swings makes me feel extra sensitive and extra moody. I can make a big fuss out of nothing. Really. Even a small arguement between us can make me give up all this. Who's with me? Those are the times that I just hope that he understands and tolerates my never ending squabbles. I know he gets frustrated sometimes but THAT'S JUST HOW GIRLS ARE. Thank God he has been really patient with me till today.

I still feel excited though whenever we're going on a date. I don't really mind where we go as long as we are together. I just hope our love is strong enough to go through everything that we are about to go through in the future.

Amin.


*Anything that worth having, is sure enough worth fighting for.

Marriage

Let's talk about serious thing here. My dad has been asking me this question which I myself can't answer him. The bonus question..

' When are you getting married? '.

I would LOVE to get married,Dad and Mum. I would LOVE to start making a family on my own. Furthermore almost everyone,cousins,blood ties my age is settling down already!! That definitely has put some pressure in me. I know i'm not getting any younger. As much as I would want to live in denial,i will still be turning 23 in 9 more months. OMG. 2-3 people. TWO FUCKING 3. Stop the time please!!!!! Fuck. It's the perfect age to start planning to settle down already. I know. Sigh.

And not to say anything bad but this one of the disadvantage of having a bf who is almost the same age and to make it worst, guys at this age still wants to have fun. Actually that depends on the guy itself. Some girls are lucky enough to get a guy who wants to settle down quickly and willing to let go of their crazy lifestyle. I just got to know this guy who is full of tatoos and definitely those wild kinds just got hitched last week. So it all depends on what kinda guy he is. Well, i'm stuck with someone who still wants to enjoy. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh

I really do wish that he will finally make up his mind to start planning on getting married for REAL. He does talk about getting married but i dont put my hopes in it cos when i asked him lets get engaged then. He'll be like errr arrr. But i still wanna enjoy. Then why the fuck do you talk about marriage with me??!! Doesnt make sense right? Bebual pasal kahwin. Jom ar kahwin cepat2. Tapi biler ajak tunang, READ: TUNANG, cakap masih nak enjoy. What the fuck?

Siak ah. Will we ever get married??

Dash Berlin was freaking awesome yesterday! I had a very good time inside except for some moments outside the club because of some attention seekers. My first impression? Totally not good. I super hate touchy girls. I don't get how girls can be so touchy with guys. Especially with guys they just met. It shows what kinda person you are. And bf, don't try to back them up. If they are touchy with all the guys they met, they probably behave the same when they're with you. AND, DON'T JUDGE MY FRIENDS IF YOUR FRIENDS ARE MUCH WORSE YEAH. So don't bother telling me how good or nice they are since my mind has already figure out what kinda girls they are.

When girls hate other girls, things won't be sweet and everything nice. :) And you should know how girls behave when they don't like that particular person.

Other then that,everything was good. The best was especially the times spent with him. We kept saying we should do that one day, and finally after a year or two, we finally did it. And it was great! Should do that again next time.

Argh.. Boring weekdays starts tomorrow. HOW BORING.

How's your New Year so far people?

Mine was great with a lil hiccups on Saturday. I don't know. Maybe it's just a curse. Me and him never fails to quarell when we go clubbing together. ALWAYS OK. I mean c'mon. Who the fuck go clubbing and just stay at one place with arms crossing? Tell me about it. Tsk. And when I asked to move closer, he just stays there. Might as well I just go with my friends if you plan to just stand and watch.

Anyway went out with my family on Sunday to Sakura Tampines to celebrate Grandma's birthday. And we went to hunt for her gifts after that. Bugis was the place. My uncles and mum shared money to buy her a Bonia bag while me and brother split the cost for her A/X watch. Fuh canggih or what eh nenek pakai Armani Exchange watch. And I can see some changes in my brother. He literally washed a whole lot of dishes last Saturday WITHOUT anyone telling. AND THAT'S A BIG DEAL LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. That's a first. And I can see that he's the kind who is not selfish with money. You know lah, NS pay. Peanuts right? But he insisted to buy a branded watch for my nenek. He said 'kalau murah tapi tak berkenan buat ape?'. Actually he wanted to buy on his own but mum told me to share. She gave me a choice to share with my uncles and her or with my bro. I choose the latter. Look at how generous he is! I bet he will pampers his gf (if he has one) with stuff even though he doesnt earn much. Lucky girl. I honestly can say that he makes a good bf. He is damn chill. And rarely gets angry.

And for Friday, we went to Clarke Quay and met friends there. Overall it was fun.

I really do hope that 2011 will be a better year for us both. I'm learning to control my temper but I hope he will do his part to not hurt me too. Cos it takes 2 hands to clap. And I can't wait to begin my car praticals. Insyallah. My dad has already plan to buy Canon Eos 60D. It's Canon best DSLR in the market right now. But I read Nikon D7000 is better. Both of these camera is the best in the market. Oh well. Okla tu janji ade camera sudah.

Shall end this entry with a photo of us!

The Love of my life.

Let's sum up my 2010 yeah?

• Celebrated New Year with my own friends for the first time and it was incredibly AWESOME! Even went swimming with just shorts and no undies at The Central Clarke Quay early morning. No worries, all girls!
• Had a few overnight stay at Hotel 88 at Geylang with my girlfriends. That was awesome too!
• Got to know 2 butch who liked me. And they even had a tiff for months because of yours truly.
• Went on a short holiday with Love to KL for the first time ever. And my first time travelling alone with my own boyfriend to overseas!
• Went for my first car prac and ONLY prac. -__-
• Got my first full-time job as a Recep/Admin.
• Got him back after 14 crucial months of waiting.
• Celebrated my 22nd birthday at Downtown East chalet. Done by Love and my friends. First time!
• Fall out with one of my bestest girls. But things are back to normal. And another fall out with my new bestest girls too. But things fall back into place after a few months.
• Frequent JB trips.
• Worked in a Nightclub for the first time. Atleast now I know how it feels like to be working in a dark and NOISY place.

I think that sums everything. Well most. I hope 2011 will be better! Car liciense in my hands finally? Insyallah. Have a great NEW YEAR and I wish the only best to all my love ones. May 2011 be better for all of us. :)

The bitch in me is back. Or it never did left?

I've been googling alot about this. And it helps that there are girls out there who is feeling the same way as me. What feeling you may asked?

I feel angry all the time with my boyfriend.

Whatever he said or do, i will definitely get angry. Especially if it involves people that I don't like, random girls who I've never met before, him treating me unfairly. I HAVE SO MANY THINGS THAT I'M UNHAPPY ABOUT WITH HIM.
It's our routine now to fight EVERY SINGLE DAY. I can't even remember when was the last time we had a peaceful day. I don't know if it's just ME or HIM??? HELP??

I am sure there is something wrong somewhere. Am I too insecure? Too demanding? Too possesive? Too jealous?? Is this a way for me to push him away because I'm too scared to get hurt? What the fuck is the problem??

It's not like he's cheating on me. (He's not right?!) It's not like he don't spent enough time with me right? (IT MIGHT BE) I always have this thinking that he's gonna find someone else better, prettier or smarter then me. And FUCK FACEBOOK. It has created a whole lot of problems between us. Be it status, pictures, comments, adding someone new etc. I honestly feels like our relationship won't be this bad if it wasn't for FB.

I honestly don't know what else to do. It's driving me mad. Is there a pill to help me control my feelings? I need to control my temper and anger. It's getting out of hand for fuck sake! I want to cry. :(

I love him. I know I still do. But why are we fighting everyday? I know it's always me who starts everything. If I love him, why am I always angry at him? Why is there ALWAYS something that he does or say that will make me angry? I'm so fucking confused. What is happening to me?

One more day till 2011. I want to be someone better. I want to stop being this way. I need to learn to be patient and more understanding. For 2011, I just hope to live a happy life with those people whom I love. My family, him and my friends.

Amin.

OMG. I've been hearing my girlfriends getting played by their boyfriends behind their back these past few days. And it really pisses me off!!

If there's one thing that I cannot tolerate,EVER. Is my boyfriend contacting other girls behind my back. I FUCKING CAN'T AND WON'T TOLERATE THIS KINDA SHIT I TELL YOU. I will definitely, without even giving a second thought, will break up with him. No doubt about that. Because I truly believe, once he cheats on you, he will continue cheating throughout the relationship. So to save my ass before it's too late, I rather walk away now then later. Get hurt now then hurt even deeper later. Seriously.

Once a womaniser, will be a womaniser till he's old and bald with bulging tummy. Men can cheat even at the age of 60. Trust me.

Yes, it's definitely easier said then done. You fucking love this guy and you just can't bear to leave him. But think,if he really loves you,he won't do this to you. He'll make sure everyone knows that he is simply inlove with you and he wants to be with you and ONLY YOU.
To me, the first few steps is always the hardest. Yes I know it's fucking hard to let go someone you once love so much. But after awhile, it will get easier. Take one step at a time. :)

All girls deserve a guy who truly loves her and only HER.

A quick update.

I wasn't alone on Christmas afterall. ;)
A much needed break is all I need. And I got it.
Definitely some distractions to keep my mind off things for awhile.

You had your fun, I definitely had mine too. ;)

I guess I'll be alone on Christmas Day.

Just like last year.

Sigh.

Can't help to wonder.. When guys did some mistakes, even major ones, girls only sulk for a few hours before forgiving them. And the worst part sometimes, they like to turn the tables around.
But when girls did some mistakes, it took them a day or a few days to actually forgive and move on. Where's the fairness?? Everyone make mistakes! Why can't they just get over it and move on like we girls??

I feel unfair sometimes when he does this to me. He has done a lot of mistakes towards me for the past 3 years but most of the time, I'll just sulk for a few hours before talking to him again. But usually, even if he's the one at wrong, I have to be the one to look for him and beg him to forgive(forgive for what fuck I did also I don't know) me.

And the recent one was the one he did that took 14 months of his life AND MINE. I can choose to not talk or send him any letters or even visit him throught that period of time because I was so super dissapointed in him. But you know what? Without even thinking, I choose to forgive and move on. Infact I choose to wait somemore. For 14 months, I could have met someone new. But I didn't because I still wanted to be with you.

But why can't he do the same FOR ME? Why can't he forgive me when I did a mistake? Why do I have to go through being given the cold shoulders for days?? While I can forgive him EVERY SINGLE TIME WHEN HE DID THE SAME OLD MISTAKE OVER AND OVER AGAIN? WHY??????

Yes I know I said somethings that I shouldn't have. LIKE YOU NEVER DID?! But I said sorry after that didn't I? I know that I've made a mistake but I pushed all my ego aside to SAY SORRY. Because I TREASURE THIS RELATIONSHIP MORE THEN MY EGO.

But I guess to him, the mistakes I did was deadly and I deserve to be given the cold shoulders. For days, weeks. I don't know. And I probably don't deserve to be given another chance for this. Because I keep doing the same mistakes over and over again. And he had enough.
U'huh. Like I never had enough with him lying to me about the same old things only to find it out on my own.

WhatI'm trying to say is, JUST FORGIVE AND FORGET. That's what makes the relationship last long. Compromise! People make mistakes.

Oh well. I've already said my piece. I just hope I can get through this. I know I can. Just pretend that he's not here. Maybe things will get easier. And maybe just maybe, I can move on with my life.

I did it again. FML.
It's just so hard for me to control myself sometimes.

I've been feeling very cranky these past few days/weeks/months. Especially towards him and I don't know why. Is it because we are too used to each other already? Is it FINALLY taking a toll on us? I don't know.

I was already building up so much angst in me, so when he finally blowed on me, I thought this is it. This is the best time to just get over it and done with. I took the easier way out. Breaking up. I can't even be bothered to answer his questions when he tried talking to me. I just don't care. But after he left, when we board the cab, tears just starts to stream down my face. I tried so hard not to cry but it was too heavy, I just need to let it go. I was probably too angry, I started to send him break up msgs. And he didn't reply to any except for one. I don't blame him because I know this has happened way too many times. He's probably immuned to it. But this was the worst case I guess. I even told him to take back the necklace that I'm wearing now. I just couldn't take it any longer.

Whatever I said was never from my heart. That was my feelings talking. I don't want you to not contact me. I never want you to leave me. I still need you.

I know the damage is done. I will accept anything that comes in later. It's probably my fault this thing happened. As for now, I think it's best we both take a day or 2 to just be alone. It's for the best. We are almost choking each other to death!

Whatever happens next, I don't know. But what I know is everything happens for a reason. And what I truly know is that I still love him so fucking much and I still need him in my life. I can't live without him. :'((

And like what Aishah said, why let go of something that I've hold on for so long??

Baby, come back. I miss you. I miss being happy with you.

We turned 3 years and 5 months yesterday.

Been through hell and back again.

It's not new but it's not that old either.

I still keep falling inlove with you especially those 'gazing into each other's eyes moment'. Hee.

We fight hard.

Both trying to get the message across.

I've always been the water in this relationship.

But now, if it's not my fault, I won't be apologising.

Unlike last time.

Anyway whatever it is, I still love you baby.

I hope you will be the only guy in my life to catch me whenever I fall.

Forever and beyond, I will be there.

I will always love you my sweetest Faizrul.

Look at how young we look!! Hahaha.

One of my favourites this year.

First few picture together for 2010.

I'm gonna keep holding on to you.

My busuk masam babyboy!

Look at how much we've grown throughout the 3 yrs plus. Hearts baby.

I love you my babylove.

I'm gonna be writing a long wordy post. Get ready. Bored? You know what to do.

So 2010 is gonna leave us pretty soon. How time flies huh? It feels like just a few weeks ago I celebrated my New Year with my awesome friends at The Central. Now it's time for another New Year celebration!

2010 has been full of ups and the downs. That's a normal thing in life. One minute you feel so happy and loved, the next minute you down in the dumps. I've created stronger bonds with my ex colleagues which are now my good friends. Thank God for them. I was 'single' 3/4 of the year so I've learnt how to be independant and how to rely on me,myself and I. Even though sometimes friends are still around to give you a helping hand. Friends quarell but we kiss and make up. Like couples gitu! I've experience new things in life. Like working in a club, getting to know new fun/irritating/weird people. To be honest, I really thank God for giving the time to get to know myself, like how strong I can be. Because before all that, I've always relied on him for everything. It's like my world revolve around him and only him. So when he was no longer there to provide me with all the support that I needed, I was forced to create a world of my own. And I did. And yeah, I did have fun throughout. So now I know if ever a time where I have to go through that again, I know I will survive on my own.

But the shitty thing is, after he's back, I became the girl that I used to be! Which I honestly am very dissapointed. With myself! I was getting used to that carefree life and suddenly BAM! I'm back to where I started. That is why I've made a new resolution for myself for 2011. I shall talk about that later. But anyways, of course without a doubt, I'm happier with him around. Even though sometimes or shall I say most of the time we fight. Even about the slightest thing. Sometimes I do wish he could understand my feelings better. Even after 3 years, he doesn't know what makes me tick and what makes me happy? I think he does but he still doesn't fully understand about it. But it's ok. Atleast he's better then other guys, which I am very thankful for.

Anyway, being a VERY CARING GF, it is VERY tiring. Seriously. It's like you care too much for that person and you put so much expectations in him but in the end, he didn't meet to your expectations and all you get is a BIG DISSAPOINTMENT. And the feeling sucks to the maximum.

Like you wished he spents more time with you but he spents more time on his friends instead.
You wished he will tell you everything but he don't because all you end up doing is nag. Which he obviously hate.
It's not nag. It's an advice which you mistook it for nagging. Most of the time.
So my NEW YEAR resolution shall be...........................................................
Speak when nessasary and care only when needed. Which I have a big problem with that. Because I just love to shoot my mouth at him whenever I find something that I'm unhappy about. And that makes us fight. And I care too much like I wanna know EVERYTHING. He feels suffocated.

I should turn like Furr. Starts to care lesser and lesser. Its a good thing! Because when you care lesser, your expectations drop. And when it drops, you won't get a big dissapointment when things don't go your way. So when shit happens, it still does hurt you but not as bad!! It's like ' damn! why the fuck he did that!! ..................... oh well... whatever. '.
I WANT THAT WAY!!!!! I hate being dissapointed. Seriously. If only he know how hurtful it is sometimes...

Bad habits die hard so I'm telling myself to start training by now...

I still love him. Definitely. But sometimes it gets too overwhelming, I just feel like running away from him and just let him be. And let him live his life the way he wants.

The day I stopped fighting, is the day my heart has closed for you. But I hope it won't happen.
I still wanna build a future with you....

If only you knew...

I've always have something in mind to blog about. But whenever I finished doing a long entry, I tend to save it then publish it for strangers to read. Or if not, I delete it. One, maybe because it's too wordy. Second, it's personal and thirdly, no one probably cares. But then again, this is MY blog.

I'm currently at work on a Saturday morning while most of you are probably still in your sweet dreams. My eyes are starting to shut. I barely have anything to do except for surfing the net!

Anyway, yesterday was an unplanned chilling out session with bf and his 2 friends. Honestly, I prefer mixing with guys then girls. It seems like guys are more relaxed and not judgemental as girls. And they don't bitch a lot. I know because I'm a girl. Heh. And I'm the kinda person who need some time to open up to people. Especially to girls. Because I'm constantly thinking what are they thinking about me, what the heck is she talking about and so on. And girls are very lecehhhhhh. The more girl friends you have, the more drama there is in your life. Seriously. That's one of the reason why I only have a handful of tight girlfriends. And I'm already happy with what I have.

Being overly known is also not good. Because people tend to talk about you. Your face so damn common, everyone in Singapore knows you. BORING. Nothing more to know. Especially for girls. When a popular girl mix around with lots of guys, she's been called a slut. And guys can talk shit saying so and so slept with her and bla2. You get the drift. Well same goes to guys. A popular guy who mix with lots of girls is a PLAYBOY. Enough said.

I'll be working later on with Bf. I don't know. I think we had a mini tiff yesterday night after the chilling out session. It all started from one question.

Let's not talk about it shall we? If it happens, it happens. If not, maybe GOD has better plans for the both of us.